If Your Child Just Told You Something

If your child has just disclosed abuse, or you have found a message, photo, or behavior that frightens you, this page is for the next few days. It is not legal advice about your situation. It is what we tell every parent who calls us.

In the first hours

• Believe your child, and say so. Children rarely make this up, and the response they get from you shapes everything that follows.
• Stay calm in front of them. Your anger and fear are justified, but a child who sees a parent fall apart may stop talking to protect you.
• Do not interrogate. Let your child say what they want in their own words. Do not ask leading questions, suggest details, or ask them to repeat the story for other relatives. Trained forensic interviewers exist for this reason.
• Do not confront the adult, the school, or the program yet. A confrontation can destroy evidence, alert the abuser, and give an institution time to shape its story.
• If your child is in immediate danger, call 911. For guidance at any hour, the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is 1-800-422-4453.

In the first days

• Write down what your child said, in their words, with the date and time, as soon as you can. Do not edit it later.
• Get medical care if there is any possibility of physical contact. A pediatrician or a hospital with a child abuse response team can examine your child gently and document findings. Sooner is better.
• Report to law enforcement or the county child welfare agency. A police report is not required to bring a civil claim, but a prompt report protects other children and creates a record. Reporting to the school or program alone is not a report.
• Arrange counseling with a therapist experienced in childhood trauma. Child advocacy centers in most California counties can refer you.
• Tell the school or program in writing once you have reported to authorities, keep a copy, and keep everything they send back. You are entitled to your child’s school records; ask for them.
• Do not sign anything from the school, the program, or an insurance company, and do not give a recorded statement, before speaking with an attorney.

Preserving evidence

• Screenshot texts, direct messages, and social media, including the date, the sender’s handle, and the full thread. Do not delete anything, even material that embarrasses your child.
• Keep your child’s phone, tablet, and accounts as they are. Change no passwords and delete no apps until you have spoken with an attorney or investigator.
• Save every email and letter from the school or program, and every voicemail.
• Write down the names of other children, parents, and staff who may have seen something.
• Photograph any gifts the adult gave your child.

When to call a lawyer

Sooner than most parents think. Not because you must decide anything now, but because an attorney can tell you what to preserve, what not to sign, what the school’s obligations are, and what deadlines apply, and can deal with the institution so you do not have to. There is no charge for the conversation, and nothing happens without your permission. Every case is handled by a California-licensed attorney.

What a civil case can do that a criminal case cannot

A criminal case is brought by the prosecutor, is about the abuser, and requires proof beyond a reasonable doubt. A civil case is yours. It can reach the school district, church, club, or county that allowed the abuse, it can pay for years of therapy and support, and it can force the release of records and changes in policy. Most civil cases resolve without the child ever testifying. What to expect.